It’s Not Just Eli That Deserves Better, It’s Us Fans That Deserve Better; A Brief Condemnation of the Giants Org for Giving up on the Present

Eli Manning’s prolific start streak will come to an end tomorrow so that the Giants can get a look at Geno Smith and Davis Webb.

There has been an outcry that Eli deserves better. I agree. But even more than that, us Giants fans deserve better.

By demoting Eli, not only are the Giants turning the remainder of this season into the equivalent of a bunch of meaningless pre-season games, they’re also giving up on next season.

The Giants biggest problem last year was the O-line. Had the O-line been able to play better, an 11-5 playoff season could have been Super Bowl season.

Despite the rash of O-line injuries this year, they have been playing much better thanks in part to whipping-boy turned rosy-future Erik Flowers, as well as new addition run-blocking stud, D.J. Fluker, and the ever under-rated Brett Jones.

If they continue to improve, they could at the very least become an above average unit.

With this problem solved, if injured studs and starters such as Odell Beckham Jr., Olivier Vernon, Janoris Jenkins, Brandon Marshall, Sterling Shepard, B.J. Goodson, and Justin Pugh are healthy next year, the Giants should without a doubt be Super Bowl contenders.

As such, rather than giving up on the present, the Giants should be focusing on working with Eli to improve offensive schemes and strategies so that they can flourish next year.

Yet with this decision they are packing it in and switching into re-building mode.

This is assinine.

Why are you giving up on all the talent you’ve accumulated?!

Are you seriously going to subject your fans to re-building upon re-building when Eli could lead the Giants to a historic championship next year?!!!

If this is seriously the path that the Giants are on, let’s do what even us fans know should be done. Let’s bench McAdoo and let defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo run the show so that we know whether we need to hire a new head coach from outside next year or whether Spags can do it.

We know more than enough about McAdoo already. Frankly, anyone who sports that haircut and that moustache shouldn’t even be running a McDonald’s.

Ben Fucking McAdoo - slick back hair and moustache.jpg

Smart Words by Famous People #1

Every advice that makes the speaker sound smart is not only awesome, but it's practical too. Here's a real-life example from silky-voiced Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs.

The question to Mr. Rowe was, "What is your job advice to people who are trying to find work?"

First, here's his full answer. Following that is his answer in stages, with replies from someone who's not trying to suck his own dick. At least in public, anyway.

Mike Rowe's full answer:
"The idea that there's a perfect job is really comforting ... but dangerous; in the same way that there’s a perfect soulmate.
The first thing to do is to look around and see where everybody else is headed … ... and to head in the other direction.
The second thing to do is embrace the thing that scares you, frightens you, or otherwise makes you blanch.
The third thing to do is to become really really good at that thing.
And then the final thing, the thing that makes really happy people happy is to figure out a way to love it."

Mike Rowe - uber-douche.jpg

Mike Rowe: "The idea that there's a perfect job is really comforting ... but dangerous; in the same way that there’s a perfect soulmate. The first thing to do is to look around and see where everybody else is headed … ... and to head in the other direction."

John Box: This seems a bit counter-intuitive, but I can dig it. I guess everyone’s headed toward making money, like via Silicon Valley, drugs, and/or renewable resources. But given your super general statement, I guess something like drugs or renewable resources is prolly way too specific. As such, I’ll just go with 'making money.' And now I’ll head in the other direction which would be, 'not making money.' I’m fucking awesome at that, so so far so good.

Mike Rowe: "The second thing to do is embrace the thing that scares you, frightens you, or otherwise makes you blanch."

John Box: Holy crap, I've never heard anyone ever say the word, 'blanch.' Unless they were referring to the Golden Girl that I used to spank off to in my pre-teen years. So I guess I'll go with something that scares me. Or frightens me. Or some other word that I don't know which means the exact same fucking thing as the previous two words. I guess I’ll be embracing getting anally raped by a lacrosse stick. (Blanch.) Well, blanch or Blanch, I’m getting it up the ass hard, without permission.

Mike Rowe: "The third thing to do is to become really really good at that thing."

John Box: Seriously?! You want me to become really really good at being anally raped by a lacrosse stick?! I’m not even sure that that’s possible. I mean, I guess if I got raped in the ass enough by a lacrosse stick, my anal tract would widen and make for quick and easy insertion, but I’m not really sure how this would get me a job.

Mike Rowe: "And then the final thing, the thing that makes really happy people happy is to figure out a way to love it."

John Box: Guess what, Mike Rowe?! Before the final super-smart, super-awesome words even came out of your mouth, I was already in love with getting anally raped by a lacrosse stick. Thank you so much, Mike Rowe. I will never ever never ever forget your Words of Wisdom.

2017 New Year's Resolutions

Exercise: If you see someone jogging in place while waiting for a red light to change, Tonya Harding that motherfucker's knee.

Diet: If you see some Snickers, eat some Snickers. But chew that shit hard so you get some exercise.

Aesthetics: Consider skinny jeans. Unlike those pukey millennials, you've got the ass to make that shit look good.

Learn Something New: Learn how to properly explain how to pick up chicks. There's a huge market for it and apparently, "be awesome like me" isn't enough for all them sun scared mouth breathers.

Spiritual: Find God. Seriously, where is that motherfucker?!

Investing: Set aside $500 a month for biannual $3,000 prostitutes. Holy shit is that gonna fetch some Charlie Sheen level trim.

Self Improvement: Nice one, JB. As if perfection could be improved. I'll drink to that! Happy New Year, Shitfaced!!!

Shunga Exhibit: Erotic Japanese Art

Shunga Exhibit: Erotic Japanese Art

Shunga is the Japanese term for a particular genre of ukiyo-e ("pictures of the floating world") in which humor and sexual explicitness coexist in skillfully rendered images.

The word itself (春画) is made up of the kanji characters for 'spring' & 'picture,' with spring being a common euphemism for sex.

Born out of playful competition between renowned Japanese painters such as Utamaro, Harunobu, and Hokusai, the art form, which enjoyed immense popularity among all classes

Read More

Yoko Ono: From My Window

Yoko Ono: From My Window

Japanese artist Yoko Ono (1933 – not dead yet) has not only been a pioneer of conceptual art since the 1960s but is also infinitely famous for such accomplishments as marrying John Lennon and destroying The Beatles. Despite this, prior to last weekend, I had never actually seen an exhibition featuring her work. So it was with great fascination and excitement that I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art Tokyo on the opening day of Yoko Ono: From My Window to feast on an eclectic collection spanning her lifetime.

Read More

A Lesson in Humility

A Lesson in Humility

In the bottom of the 5th inning of last night's playoff game between the Yakult Swallows and Yomiuri Giants, the Swallows manager pinch hit for the starting pitcher, who had just given up a two-run home run in the top of the 5th allowing the Giants to take a 2-1 lead.

"It's too early to pull him," I said to my buddy and fellow Swallows fan, Bowen Roozewell, who nodded in agreement.

To our surprise however, the pinch hitter smacked a line drive into center field for a

Read More

Busted in Japan, An Actual Tale of Learning to Bow; Featuring Open Complaints to the Japanese Criminal Justice System

Busted in Japan, An Actual Tale of Learning to Bow; Featuring Open Complaints to the Japanese Criminal Justice System

Taxi cabs are the scourge of the earth. No matter where in the world you go, the one thing that you can count on is that taxi cabs there will be assholes. They are constantly cutting other cars off, taking advantage of tourists, and eagerly awaiting opportunities to clip pedestrians.

Which is why when my wits returned to me in the middle of a bender and I found myself surrounded by Omawari-san (Japanese cops; but not so much your John McClane-type cops, more like your Barney Fife-type cops) claiming that I had wronged

Read More

Babies Not Battlefields: Why it is Batshit Crazy to Entrust Women with Leadership Roles of Significance

Babies Not Battlefields: Why it is Batshit Crazy to Entrust Women with Leadership Roles of Significance

It’s no secret that women fuck up everything. They’re not cool to hang out with, they’re indecisive, and when they do make a decision, it’s the wrong one.

While this is patently obvious to pretty much everyone on the planet, there are a handful of people out there who would take issue with it. To shut them up once and for all, I have provided below indisputable proof of the following principle by citing three concrete examples from Season I of Game of Thrones.

Read More

Comparative Art Essay: Classic Japanese Beauties vs. Beavis

Comparative Art Essay: Classic Japanese Beauties vs. Beavis

In this essay I will compare and contrast ukiyo-e (woodblock print) depictions of classic Japanese beauties made in the 18th and 19th centuries with depictions of Beavis, a delinquent teenage cartoon character, rendered by epic artist Mike Judge. Both types of artwork express the zeitgeist of the era they were created.

The bijin-ga (literally, beautiful person pictures) prints were very popular among Japanese merchants and the middle class and were most likely used to masterbate to.

Read More

6-8 Tips for Girls Looking to get Dumped (the International Version)

6-8 Tips for Girls Looking to get Dumped (the International Version)

1) Ask your man if he thinks your outfit is cute
And not just when you’re putting it on in front of the mirror. Do this over and over all day long. At least four or five times per outfit.

2) Ask questions that you already know the answer to
For instance, when you show up at your boyfriend’s place and find him eating McDonald’s ask, “Are you eating McDonald’s?” Or when he buys a pack of cigarettes and takes out a smoke, say, “Are you gonna smoke?” Or when you wake him up off of

Read More

The Best Japanese Words Ever - Part 1

The Best Japanese Words Ever - Part 1

One of the things that I love most about Japanese is that just by looking at the Chinese-based kanji characters, you very often not only instantly know the meaning of a word, but you also get a good sense of the etymology. Below are some of my favorite words that spell it all out for you.

1)      不感症 (fukanshou) = no feeling disease = sexual frigidity

2)      千擦り (senzuri) = thousand rubs = masturbation

Read More

6-8 Folk We Need Less of in Tokyo

6-8 Folk We Need Less of in Tokyo

1) Category 1 Jamas – Bottleneckers
There are 13.35 million people living in Tokyo. Yet somehow these mouthbreathers think that they’re the only ones. They get on a train and then stop. Somehow it doesn’t occur to them that they might not be the only ones trying to get on the train in The City of People Being Pushed Onto Trains by Railway Employees Because the Trains Are So Fucking Crowded.

Read More

6-8 Folk We Need More of in Japan

6-8 Folk We Need More of in Japan

1) Hilarious English on T-Shirt Guy
You know what sucks about Japan? The more time goes by, the less T-shirts I see around here with bizarre and/or inappropriate English on them. Back in the day, there were all kinds. You used to see family men playing in the park with their kids sporting a shirt saying “Alcoholic” or an old man on the train wearing one saying “I feel happiness when I eat a nose rice” or stroll by an elementary school and see kids with shirts saying “wishes do girls,” “try my delicious salt

Read More