The Meaning of Life

Allow me to pull the curtain back on just what the fuck is going on here.

The real you is currently a passenger on a cutting-edge spaceship traveling faster than the speed of light from one exotic galaxy to another.

Despite the physics-defying* speed, it takes multiple human lifetimes to travel between galaxies, so you entertain yourself by running simulations.

This life—this simulation—is simply entertainment for your real self as you kill time on the spaceship. It’s kinda like playing Candy Crush on your iPhone while waiting at the DMV, but way way better. Cause it feels real. In fact, you experience it in real time. You choose the life, lay back in your tub of warm liquified nutrients, and experience every millisecond of it as if it were your own.

This is what you actually look like.

The good or bad news is that the life you think that you’ve been living is not actually you.

But the even better or worse news is that the you in this life is special. Like, really special. Your life was chosen for a reason. The real you selected it. Wanted to live it. Is probably re-living it with a stiffy right now.

Why you?

Could be because you’re living a charmed life—maybe you just got engaged to Travis Kelce, or it could be that the real you is a masochist and you’re about to enter a tailspin that would make Kurt Cobain blush.

Regardless, now that you're armed with the truth, I expect some big things outta you. Like leaving a comment and buying all my books. That’s what the real you wants to do more than anything.

*The speed defies our current understanding of physics, but in the future, even zygotes will easily comprehend why traveling faster than the speed of light is not particularly difficult.

Author’s Note: I’d like to conclude this post with a middle finger to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy where overrated author Douglas Adams chose as the answer to the meaning of life the number “42”. He said it was a joke with no deeper meaning. And mouth-breathers ate it up. “The answer is 42. Get it? Huh huh huh.” Lame joke, you uncreative hack.

This is what I really look like.