Tales From America; Part 1

This tale brought to you by my good buddy in the U.S., Nomu Chompsky.

Nomu's story is about a U.S. salesman acquaintance who has crazy eyes like Gary Busey. As such, he will be referred to as Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey.

Like to here it, here it goes.

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey was illustrating how the U.S. is going to hell and as an example he described his attempt to call the customer service line for Holiday Inn Express. He was hoping to give them some “constructive feedback” about his recent stay. Apparently they forgot to leave a comment card in his room, because he’s the kind of guy who would definitely have filled it out in full.

Gary wanted to tell them that they put a small hand towel on top of the pile of large bath towels, which caused the hand towel to fall on the floor when he grabbed a bath towel after his shower. This needlessly dirtied the hand towel, and forced him to leave it on the floor to be washed, which is a waste of water and time and money. He wanted to suggest that they should have a separate pile of hand towels to avoid this issue in the future. So he called the customer service number:

Customer Service Agent: (read with strong Indian accent) “Good day to you and thank you for calling Holiday Inn. How may I be of assistance?”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: (Gary is suspicious that this call center is in India) Hey, hi there. So uh, what’s your name?”

Customer Service Agent: “You may call me Susan”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “I may call you Susan? Or your NAME is Susan?”

“Susan”: My name is Susan.

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “Uh-huh... and uh, where’s home for you, Susan?”

“Susan”: “The United States.”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “Uh-huh... well, Susan, that’s an interesting way to answer that question. Not sure I ever heard that response to that question before. What town in the United States, if you don’t mind me asking”

“Susan”: “I’m not allowed to answer that question due to company policy”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “You’re not allowed to? Or you don’t want to?”

“Susan”: “Was there something I could help you with, sir?”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “I’m gonna tell ya something, ‘Susan’. I think you’re in India. What do you think about that?”

“Susan”: “What is India?”

Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey: “I want you to get up and walk over to the nearest window, Susan. Now look out the window - are you doing that? Ok, now see that, Susan? THAT is fuckin’ India!”

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