2018 Nobel Literature Prize Canceled Over Sex Scandal; John Box Outraged

June 12, 2018; The New Yorke Times

The Swedish Academy that awards the Nobel Prize for Literature says that it won’t announce a winner this year because of a scandal over sexual misconduct.

On the back of the Me Too movement, 18 women have come forward claiming sexual assault and physical abuse against the husband of one of the Academy members, causing her to resign. Several others have followed suit.

One of Sweden’s best known authors, whose name we can neither pronounce nor spell, says it’s the right decision. “I’m relieved,” she said. “I think that if they had kept the prize for this year, it would really have been a nail in the coffin.”

“The nail in what coffin?” John Box, an outraged author asked. “The nail in my literary career’s coffin?!”

It was then explained to Mr. Box that the Swedish author was referring to the reputation of the prestigious award for literature, science, and peace.

“What about my reputation?!” he replied, incensed. “What about my legacy?! The Me Too movement has its place, but this is some serious collateral damage we’re talking about here. Do you know what winning that award would have done not just for me, but for fans and aficionados of fine literature?!”

When it was explained to Mr. Box that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he would win the award this year or any other, he began dropping f-bombs at the top of his lungs.

“Fuck the Swedish Academy! Fuck Swedish fish! And Fuck you!” He then proceeded to grab his crotch and spit at the feet of this reporter. “This interview is over! … Douche!”

 

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