How to Get on a Train/Subway; A Guide for Dipshits

Step 1) Wait until people who are getting off, get off

When a train that you would like to get on stops and the doors open, do not immediately thrust yourself onto the train. Instead, dipshit, stand to the side of the doors so that people wishing to get off the train may do so.

Note that in addition to being courteous, this has the added benefit of allowing space on the train for you. You fucking retard.

Step 2) Get on

Once all of the people wishing to get off of the train have done so, it’s now your turn to get on the train. Do so.

But don’t just stop after you’ve taken a step in, dipshit, you have to keep in mind that there may be other people who also want to get on. I know it’s hard to remember that there are 7.6 billion other people on this planet, but try to keep that in mind. One way to do so is to recall a time when you were waiting to get on a train behind other people and one of them stopped short after getting on the train. How did that make you feel? If I know you, dipshit, you fell to the ground in tears, punching the concrete platform with your fists of retarded rage.

Let’s make this a world where you don’t get pissed at dipshits for doing dipshit things and then turnaround and do the exact same dipshit thing. I know it’s hard, but let’s try to grow into a human being.

Step 3) Get out of the way

Once we’ve completed Step 2, what do we do? Take a couple steps in and feel free to stop wherever our heart desires, right?

Wrong, dipshit.

You must make sure that you don’t block the aisle. Why? Because the train makes many stops and some people get on and some people get off at each stop. And if you’re blocking the aisle, you’re in their fucking way. So find a seat, a spot next to the door where you’re out of the way, or when it’s crowded, stand in front of the seats where the hanging straps are. But make sure to leave half of the aisle open, dipshit, cause like we just learned, when you’re blocking the aisle, you’re pissing everyone else off and exponentiallyincreasing the odds of an indiscriminate mass shooting.

That’s it for today, you dumb shit. Make sure to pass this on to all your dipshit friends and family. And go fuck yourself while you’re at it.

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