Japanese to American Q&A #1: Why Don’t Americans Know Everything Western?

I was volunteering at the local language center today trying to land a doe-eyed co-ed when one of the older Japanese volunteers asked me a question.

“Do you know [Margargo]?”

I had no idea what word the super nice old guy was trying to say, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t Margargo.

“I’m sorry?” I replied as politely as possible.

“Do you know Merrythought?”

It didn’t ring a bell. “Merrythought?”

“Yes, Merrythought. The toy company.”

“Merrythought?” I repeated, unsure if I had the correct word because I had never heard of anything called Merrythought.

“Yes, Merrythought,” he replied, frustrated that I hadn’t instantly recognized the name.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know any Merrythought.”

“The English toy company,” he replied incredulously. “It’s very famous. You don’t know?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

He stormed off, visibly upset. I did my damndest to recall a toy company named Merrythought or Margogo or anything close, but the best I could come up with was Toys-R-Us.

Suddenly, a cell phone was jabbed in my face. “You don’t know?” he asked again. “The English toy company, Merrythought.”

I was relieved to see a bunch of Teddy bears on the screen. Fuck no, I thought to myself. I don’t know some stupid fucking English company that makes Teddy bears. Why would I?!

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head.

“Merrythought,” he repeated as if the seventh time he said it would surely cause me to remember. “The English toy company. It’s very famous.” He shook his head in disbelief. “You’re American, right? You really don’t know?”

Naturally, I smiled sheepishly and shook my head in an I’m-sorry-for-being-such-a-worthless-know-nothing way, but what I wanted more than anything was to give him the real answer. Which is:

#1) I don’t have any kids or grandkids so the only toys I buy are sex toys.

#2) Just because I’m American, doesn’t mean I know everything about America, let alone the fuckin’ UK.

#3) I live in Japan! I’ve lived her for like 15 years. You’ve probably lived in the States more recently than I have.

And last but not least, Who gives a shit?!

p.s. This Q&A is not just for kindly Japanese gentlemen, but is for people all over the world who for some retarded reason think that people from a certain country not only know everything about that country but also everything about that hemisphere. We don’t. And we don’t fucking care.

p.p.s. Pay no attention to the Japanese in the picture. It’s the facial expression that’s important.

 p.p.p.s. Click share below to share this with your friends and family cause at least one of them needs some edjumacting.