Another Athlete Misuses ‘Humble’; Shocked to Learn Actual Meaning

Another Athlete Misuses ‘Humble’; Shocked to Learn Actual Meaning

The John Box Times

In his induction speech at the 2018 Pro Football Hall of Fame ceremony, Brian Urlacher, one of the greatest linebackers to don a Chicago Bears uniform, began by saying that he was “humbled to join the fraternity of men who were the best to ever play the game.”

When Urlacher wrapped up his speech, he was greeted with a standing ovation

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Football vs. Soccer; The Definitive Debate on which Sport is Better

Football vs. Soccer; The Definitive Debate on which Sport is Better

To settle once and for all the age old debate of which sport is better, football or soccer, I argued the topic with my Irish friend, Seamus. (While you’d think his name would be pronounced SEA-mus, it’s actually pronounced SHAY-mus. Aren’t Europeans cute?).

With Seamus fighting for soccer and the loveable Johnny Box brawling on behalf of NFL football, we both finished with bloody knuckles and noses, but in the end, only the indisputable champion was left standing.

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How to Get on a Train/Subway; A Guide for Dipshits

How to Get on a Train/Subway; A Guide for Dipshits

Step 1) Wait until people getting off, get off

When a train that you would like to get on stops and the doors open, do not immediately thrust yourself onto the train. Instead, dipshit, stand to the side of the doors so that people wishing to get off the train may do so.

Note that in addition to being courteous, this has the added benefit of allowing space on the train for you. You fucking retard.

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2018 Nobel Literature Prize Canceled Over Sex Scandal; John Box Outraged

2018 Nobel Literature Prize Canceled Over Sex Scandal; John Box Outraged

June 12, 2018; The New Yorke Times

The Swedish Academy that awards the Nobel Prize for Literature says that it won’t announce a winner this year because of a scandal over sexual misconduct.

On the back of the Me Too movement, 18 women have come forward claiming sexual assault and physical abuse against the husband of one of the Academy members, causing her to resign. Several others have followed suit.

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How to Walk; A Guide for Dipshits

How to Walk; A Guide for Dipshits

When walking in public, if you rarely find yourself frustrated by some mouth-breathing idiot in your way, chances are you’re the mouth-breathing idiot. Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you be less of a dipshit.

1) When walking with others, Don’t take up the entire fucking sidewalk

I realize that it’s hard to remember that there are other people in this world, and I realize that you’re engrossed in whatever assinine conversation you’re having with

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A Public Decree; Handheld Devices being Stared at by Pedestrians are Fair Game

A Public Decree; Handheld Devices being Stared at by Pedestrians are Fair Game

June 8th, 2018

From this day forward it is permissible, unassailable, and encouraged to smack, hit, roundhouse kick or otherwise jar a mobile phone, game console, camera or any other hand-held device out of the hand of any dipshit walking while staring at it; provided, however, that any human, animal, robot or other being who walks while staring at a handheld device shall be considered a ‘dipshit’ for the purpose of this decree regardless of IQ and any and all other factors.

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It’s Not Just Eli That Deserves Better, It’s Us Fans That Deserve Better; A Brief Condemnation of the Giants Org for Giving up on the Present

It’s Not Just Eli That Deserves Better, It’s Us Fans That Deserve Better; A Brief Condemnation of the Giants Org for Giving up on the Present

Eli Manning’s prolific start streak will come to an end tomorrow so that the Giants can get a look at Geno Smith and Davis Webb.

There has been an outcry that Eli deserves better. I agree. But even more than that, us Giants fans deserve better.

By demoting Eli, not only are the Giants turning the remainder of this season into the equivalent of a bunch of meaningless pre-season games, they’re also giving up on

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Smart Words by Famous People #1

Smart Words by Famous People #1

Every advice that makes the speaker sound smart is not only awesome, but it's practical too. Here's a real-life example from silky-voiced Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs.

The question to Mr. Rowe was, "What is your job advice to people who are trying to find work?"

First, here's his full answer. Following that is his answer in stages, with replies from someone who's not trying to suck his own dick. At least in public, anyway.

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Shunga Exhibit: Erotic Japanese Art

Shunga Exhibit: Erotic Japanese Art

Shunga is the Japanese term for a particular genre of ukiyo-e ("pictures of the floating world") in which humor and sexual explicitness coexist in skillfully rendered images.

The word itself (春画) is made up of the kanji characters for 'spring' & 'picture,' with spring being a common euphemism for sex.

Born out of playful competition between renowned Japanese painters such as Utamaro, Harunobu, and Hokusai, the art form, which enjoyed immense popularity

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