Apparently, the Tokyo Imperial Palace only opens up to the public twice a year. Something about Inui Path. I took advantage of the limited time opportunity and below, please find my review.Read More
The New York Times
In a swearing-in ceremony before hundreds of thousands of rabid supporters, John Box declared himself President of the World.
Holding in his right hand a copy of Rubbing Bacon On It by David Hasselhoff as if it were the Bible, Global Presidente Box proclaimed that he was answering to a “higher calling to assume the office of the People’s President of the Entire Fucking World.”Read More
If you’ve been studying Japanese long enough to attempt a conversation with a Japanese person, you’re probably familiar with the concept of aizuchi, which is described as ‘interjections during a conversation that indicate the listener is paying attention and/or understanding the speaker.’
Which is to say, grunts to let you know they’re listening.
I’ve actually seen this taught in elementary school textbooks as a form of goodRead More
I’m so sick of pundits and their so-called “bold predictions.”
I can’t think of anything more cowardly in the world of fantasy sports.
Basically, what they’re saying is, 'if this prediction doesn’t come true, it’s not on me, I told you it wasn’t likely. But if it does come true, you must recognize me as a modern day Nostradamus.'Read More
This tale brought to you by my good buddy in the U.S., Nomu Chompsky.
Nomu's story is about a U.S. salesman acquaintance who has crazy eyes like Gary Busey. As such, he will be referred to as Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey.
Like to here it, here it goes.
Gary “Crazy Eyes” Busey was illustrating how the U.S. is going to hell and as anRead More
The John Box Times
In his induction speech at the 2018 Pro Football Hall of Fame ceremony, Brian Urlacher, one of the greatest linebackers to don a Chicago Bears uniform, began by saying that he was “humbled to join the fraternity of men who were the best to ever play the game.”
When Urlacher wrapped up his speech, he was greeted with a standing ovationRead More
The John Box Times
In the wake of Japan’s World Cup loss to Belgium, high school student Yoko Shimizu said that while she enjoyed the knock-out-stage match between the two countries, she did not enjoy the outcome and humbly wishes all Belgium fans a new, incurable form of VD.
Holding her middle finger up in the general direction of Europe, she said, “I thinkRead More
Here are six to eight more of my favorite Japanese terms and phrases
1) 鬼の居ぬ間に洗濯 (oni no inu ma ni sentaku) – This is the Japanese version of “When the cat's away, the mice will play.” But it translates more directly to, “When the monster’s away, do laundry.”
2) 栗鼠 (risu) = acorn rat = squirrel
Just so the Japanese don’t feel like I’m picking on them in my “Best Japanese Words Ever” series, here’s an example of English that boggles my mind.
While you would think the word “forgetive” would mean something like “likely to forget,” it in fact means “inventive.” What the fuck, English?Read More
To settle once and for all the age old debate of which sport is better, football or soccer, I argued the topic with my Irish friend, Seamus. (While you’d think his name would be pronounced SEA-mus, it’s actually pronounced SHAY-mus. Aren’t Europeans cute?).
With Seamus fighting for soccer and the loveable Johnny Box brawling on behalf of NFL football, we both finished with bloody knuckles and noses, but in the end, only the indisputable champion was left standing.Read More
Dear U.S. Porn,
I will begin and end this letter with a question.
What the fuck?!
What is up with your obsession with huge penises? Do you think that straight guys get off to looking at gigantic cocks?!Read More
Step 1) Wait until people getting off, get off
When a train that you would like to get on stops and the doors open, do not immediately thrust yourself onto the train. Instead, dipshit, stand to the side of the doors so that people wishing to get off the train may do so.
Note that in addition to being courteous, this has the added benefit of allowing space on the train for you. You fucking retard.Read More
June 12, 2018; The New Yorke Times
The Swedish Academy that awards the Nobel Prize for Literature says that it won’t announce a winner this year because of a scandal over sexual misconduct.
On the back of the Me Too movement, 18 women have come forward claiming sexual assault and physical abuse against the husband of one of the Academy members, causing her to resign. Several others have followed suit.Read More